blah blah blah

( homeschooling sort-of rant but not really hehehe )

apparently i should have been aware in advance that today is the first day of kindergarten for the schools around here.

ugh. i just suffered through two different phone calls from both of my grandmothers, each of them saying these exact words:

"so i guess you didn't put [your oldest son] in kingergarten today."

uhm, no, people, i've been saying since BEFORE HE WAS BORN that we wanted to homeschool. what, did you think i was kidding? did you think i would "come to my senses"?

( cut for an extremely long passage in which i rant about my ability to teach my own children and the myth that learning must take place in an institution )

sorry that this was so long and rambling. i just needed to rant.

but i don't really care.

there were ANTS IN MY CLOSET. ALL OVER MY CLOTHES AND MY HUSBAND'S CLOTHES. AND I HAD JUST FINISHED THE LAUNDRY.

i. am. angry.

and exhausted.

BLARG.

also i need new user pics but i am either too busy and/or too lazy to go looking for ones that reflect my oh-so-complex personality.

running on about four hours of sleep right now, none of them consecutive.

i just read over at SOB that summit is talking about making breaking dawn into THREE.SEPARATE.MOVIES.

*headesks repeatedly until blood starts coming out of her ears*

ugh. i. want. to. throw. up.

not only are we going to be expected to sit through the EPIC fail that was bd - in theatrical form *shudders* - but now we're going to have to suffer through SIX HOURS OF IT???? whatthehell.

just...ugh. UGH.

i'm seriously thinking of getting out after new moon. i honestly don't think i can handle that much robpatz/mr. sparklez screentime, and there's going to be oodles of it if they stretch it out that far.

which brings me to this: doesn't breaking dawn read a bit like some really cheesy (albiet pretty well-written) fanfiction by an overzealous fangirl with a thing for mr. sparklez? it makes me physically sick to think about it.

*vomits*

why am in this fandom again?

oh. that's right.

JACOB BLACK.

*pets jacob* hmmmmmm, jacob. my jacob.

Title: Plege of Allegiance
Author: me!
Rating: NC-17, what else have you come to expect from me?
Spoilers: New Moon
Characters: Jacob/Bella, Quil, Embry (they make a cameo, yayz!)
Warning: lots of lemony/smutty goodness. you have been warned.
Summary: Bella jumps off the cliff and is *not* seen. How Bella and Jacob's relationship might have progressed. Series of (semi)plotless oneshots. Enjoy!
Previous chapters here.


A/N : Strong language exists in this chapter. But it’s Jacob, who is a teenage boy, and when he says what he says, he’s kind of justifiably angry. Oh, and later when he can’t be held responsible for his thoughts. So we forgive him because we’re nice like that. Also because he’s hot and stuff. Hehehe.



( pledge of allegiance )



ahh thank goodness...i had to go in and individually format all the italics just to post it here, so you know how much i love you. because. all. those. italics. *dies*

please be gentle, my darlings, because this is my first crack at trying to write jacob. be good to meh! i'm always good to you!

oh. and i think i may have been spoiling you. i've been neglecting my IRL responsibilities to write lately and i do need to get back to that. also school will be starting back in a couple of weeks and that may cut down on teh updating for me.

so love me! send me reviews and crazy jacob-induced love and virtual cookies. this might be the last bit i post for a little while, and i need something to tide me over.

okay i'm uber excited.  i just finished the third installment (that's what i'm calling them instead of chapters, aren't i clever?  *gags*) of furnace.  i shall link it here momentarily; i've already posted it on ffnet.  i tell ya, i could really get excited about just writing a bunch of smutty oneshots without a plot.  it's nice to not have to angst and worry about what's going to happen next.  cause i already know what's going to happen next.  lots and lots of yummy jacob-y sexiness.  i could write those scenes all day long.

and i think i shall.

*zooms off to plot-less lemon land*

holy. cow.

yesterday morning was strange. i woke up to an email - a new review for my twilight jacob/bella smutty oneshot, "furnace" - telling me that i had been NOMINATED for the "sort of beautiful" awards here on livejournal.

i've never been nominated for anything. i was speechless. and FLIPPING EXCITED.

well. when i went to the website i realized the voting was over. *pouts* i never even got the chance to vote for myself. :D

no, i didn't win; i didn't even place, but it was just the coolest thing ever to have been nominated. i gots a banner:



i'm still all excited.

sittin here with mah coffee. i'm really starting to love mornings, when it's quiet and dark in the house and it's just me and my coffee cup and eloise.

i'd like to start doing yoga again.

oh! and i'm taking my cloth shopping bags with me today when i go to the grocery store! i'm excited. ^_^

i really have nothing exciting to say.

so i've kept my living room clean this week. that's one good thing i've managed to accomplish.

today is the fifth day i haven't stepped on the scale. and while my diet has been far from "normal," i feel that this is an important step in the right direction...whatever direction that is.

hubby and i haven't fought since i started the "love dare" thing...things have really been going well for us.

i haven't had suicidal thoughts in a week and a half. that's a BIG DEAL.

i smile more. i laugh more. i'm remembering a little bit of who i was before this whole mess.

i realize that i don't have to give up and let my eating disorder just kill me. i realize that i'm happier when i'm healthier. i realize that being sane isn't so bad, after all. ^_^

i'm seriously considering upping my caloric intake and doing something that's called "the 1000 calorie challenge." it's healthier...and health doesn't look so unappealing to me anymore.

in fact...it really is starting to look good.

i wish the me from a year ago would come through time and kick my ASS.

last year, i was all about doing good for the environment and "going green" and all of that...and somewhere along the way i go caught up in my own selfish-craziness and left all of that in the dust.

well no more.

i'm not going to try to change everything overnight, of course, but i am definitely going to go back to using my cloth shopping bags. there's no excuse for me not to use them.

i've been so wasteful and careless and i'm ashamed of myself.